Author: Pastor Tim

MEN’S RETREAT 2017

The “One Another” Verses in the New Testament

1. One sex (male or female) is not right while the other one is wrong. They are just different. But women gather and connect naturally and easily. Men are more individualistic and are generally not great communicators. We need to work at being a connector with those around us.

—“According to statistics, the average man over 35 years old does NOT have one close friend.” (See Why Are Men Leaving the Church?, online article by Steve Sonderman for AG Men.)

—About 95% of men say they don’t have male friends. Less than 1/3 of men in church say they have a friend. (See Why Men Matter—Both Now and Forever, Online article.)

1. The question arises, “Why is this?” One reason is that society tends to condition men to be tough and hard. But we need to redefine manhood as a combination of strength and vulnerability. Showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

FROM BELIEVING TO BELONGING

1. The word church is found in only two passages in the gospels (Matthew 16:18; 18:15-18).

Matthew 16:18 “…I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.”

1. This refers to the UNIVERSAL church. Local churches may come and go but the universal church will never be stopped.

Matthew 18:15-17 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more… . And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church.”

1. This refers to the LOCAL church. You obviously can’t tell it to everyone in the body of Christ at large. This refers to a local assembly.

—The universal church is invisible. It is a spiritual thing. You can’t see or feel it. It is made up of believers all over the earth.

—The local church is visible. It is a tangible thing. You can join with, be part of and enjoy it.

1. When we are born again, we are automatically a member of the universal church. But we should take the next step and become a part of a local church. Rick Warren said, “You became part of the human family by your first birth, but you become a member of God’s family by your second birth” (Purpose Driven Life, pg. 118).
2. “You are called to BELONG, not just BELIEVE. …While your relationship to Christ is personal, God never intends it to be private” (pg. 130).
3. “The church is indestructible and will exist for eternity. It will outlive this universe, and so will your role in it. The person who says, ‘I don’t need the church,’ is either arrogant or ignorant. …The New Testament assumes membership in a local congregation” (pg. 132).
4. Though pastors are imperfect and not without fault, every Christian needs a shepherd. There is no such thing as a perfect church, but there is a perfect church for you.
5. “When it comes to fellowship, size matters: Smaller is better. You can worship with a crowd, but you can’t fellowship with one” (pg. 138).
6. You can only have fellowship in a smaller gathering. This is why being involved in a small group is so important to becoming connected with other believers.

1. Rick Warren also said, “Authenticity is the exact opposite of what you find in some churches. Instead of an atmosphere of honesty and humility, there is pretending, …and superficial politeness but shallow conversation. People wear masks, keep their guard up, and act as if everything is rosy in their lives. …It is only as we become open about our lives that we experience real fellowship” (pg. 139-140).

TWO LEVELS OF FRIENDS

Proverbs 18:24 (MEV) “A man who has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

1. The word friend in its various forms is found three times in this verse.

Vs. 18a “friends” – (SC 7453: rea) an associate; a neighbor

Vs. 18b “friendly” – (SC 7489: raa)

Vs. 18c “friend” – (SC 157: ahab) a friend; someone with whom we share real affection

1. There are two main levels of friendship spoken of in the book of Proverbs.

Vs. 18a “A man who has friends must himself be friendly…”

1. The first part of this verse talks about associates or neighbors.

Vs. 18b “…but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

1. The second part of this verse uses a different Hebrew word for friend and speaks of a close, intimate friend. (See The Beginning of Wisdom, pg. 178, Bob Yandian.)

Proverbs 17:17 (MEV) “A friend loves at all times [NLT: ‘is always loyal’], and a brother is born for adversity.”

1. Learn to keep confidences. The word “secretary” speaks of one who is entrusted with secrets.
2. Some relationships are high maintenance and others are low maintenance. Some people are often offended, highly reactive and always upset. This is a high maintenance relationship.
3. Healthy relationships are low maintenance.
4. We have friends we may only see once every six months or a year. Sometimes it is even longer. But we pick up right where we left off because are expectations are not too high.

Example: I have taken several personality tests over the years, and I have discovered that I am a true introvert. I get my energy from being by myself and recharging my battery by staying at home. My wife gets her energy from being with others—going out and having fun. I have to force myself to reach out and get together with others. It does NOT come naturally for me.

THE “ONE ANOTHER” VERSES

1. There are dozens of Scriptures in the New Testament that contain the phrase “one another” in them. It is almost impossible to walk out these commands if we only come in contact with our fellow Christians for a brief time on Sunday mornings. Many come late, leave early and never actually connect with other believers.
2. There are over forty-five different “one another” passages in the New Testament. We will be quickly highlighting twenty-five passages below.
3. We should not be an isolated or unconnected follower of Christ.
4. The verses we see below are only a partial list:

Mark 9:50 “…have peace with one another.”

John 15:17 “These things I command you, that you love one another.” (“Love one another” is found in about ten New Testament references.)

Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, …giving preference to one another.”

Romans 12:16 “Be of the same mind toward one another.”

Romans 15:7 “Therefore receive one another…”

Romans16:16 “Greet one another…”

1 Corinthians 12:25 “…care for one another.”

Galatians 5:13 “…through love serve one another.”

Ephesians 4:32 “And be kind to one another…”

Ephesians 5:21 “submitting to one another…”

Colossians 3:9 “Do not lie to one another…”

Colossians 3:13 “bearing with one another, and forgiving one another…”

Vs. 16 “…teaching and admonishing one another…”

1 Thessalonians 4:18 “Therefore comfort one another…”

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “…edify one another…”

Hebrews 3:13 “…exhort one another daily…”

James 4:11 “Do not speak evil of one another…”

James 5:9 “Do not grumble against one another…”

Vs. 16 “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another…”

1 Peter 3:8 “…having compassion for one another…”

1 Peter 4:9 “Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.”

Vs. 10 As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another…”

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

1. Paul clearly shows us in the New Testament that—as members of the body of Christ—we are not independent. We need one another and the gifts that other members of the body have.

—If you had every gift and every office you would need no one else.

—If you had every gift and office you would be Jesus.

1. There are three stages of growth in our lives:
2. Dependence: At this stage, we need others to take care of us. But as we become adults, we grow out of this stage.
3. Independence: Here we are able to take care of ourselves. This is good but there should be one more stage of growth.
4. Interdependence: As we mature and grow up, though we can take care of ourselves we still recognize that we are strongest when we work together.
5. The spirit of love focuses on our similarities. The spirit of division focuses on our differences.

1. A famous quote along these lines says, “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.” (Some say this was a quote by John Wesley, others say it originated with Augustine and still others say it was spoken by a 17^th century German theologian.)
2. In essentials, we must be unswerving.

Example: We must not compromise the Lordship of Jesus, His virgin birth, His bodily resurrection, the authority and inspiration of Scripture, etc.

1. But in non-essentials, we should be sensitive and tolerant.
2. I won’t allow a minor doctrinal disagreement to hinder my fellowship with a brother or a sister in Christ.
3. I know that we need to be careful of error and false doctrine. The books of 2 Peter and Jude, amongst others, address this. But just because someone teaches something different than you do, does not automatically make them a false teacher or a false prophet.
4. We can actually feel justified in our criticism, believing that we are right and that they must be wrong. But remember that the spirit of love never divides.
5. I won’t curse what God is blessing! I want to rightly divide the Scriptures but I don’t want to walk in a critical spirit.
6. We all have our favorites and there is nothing wrong with that but we must receive from and embrace the entire body of Christ.
7. No one person or camp will have the full counsel of God. But collectively, we—the body of Christ—have the mind of Christ. To do this we need to embrace the whole body of Christ.

THE POWER/PRINCIPLE OF ONE

1. We must shift from an audience to an army mentality.

—An audience comes to church each week to watch the show (church service). When the show is over they go home to live their lives.

—An army gets connected, get involved and works as a team to reach a common goal.

1. To walk in healthy, long term relationships, we must understand the principle of one.

• The Trinity is three Persons in one essence. “Hear O Israel: The Lord our God,

the Lord is ONE” (Deuteronomy 6:4).

• When we are saved, we become one spirit with the Lord. “He who is joined to

the Lord is ONE spirit with Him” (1 Corinthians 6:17).

• When we are married, we become one flesh with our mate. “The two shall become

            ONE flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).

• The church is to walk in one accord and one mind. “…being like-minded, having the same love, being of ONE accord, of ONE mind” (Philippians 2:2).

1. The Bible is a history of the devil attacking the principle of one.

Genesis 11:6 (NIV) “The Lord said, ‘If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.’”

1. We can see that there is power in unity—even when the unity goes against the plan of God. This wasn’t even the unity of the Spirit.
2. There is a difference between unity and uniformity.
3. unity – harmony, agreement
4. uniformity – conforming to one pattern
5. Unity isn’t uniformity. It is coming together with one purpose and one mind.
6. One minister said, “Broken relationships are never of God. Satan’s math…is always ‘subtraction’ and ‘division.’ God’s math is always ‘addition’ and ‘multiplication.’”
7. Many believers never get past a spiritual wound. Christians can go to church for years but not really grow or change because they are not healed emotionally.
8. Resolution seldom comes by sorting out who was right and who was wrong. It is only when the love of God touches wounded hearts that broken relationships can be healed.

Example: Read about the five lessons we can learn from Be as Wise as a Goose. MFM

MEN’S RETREAT 2017

The Power of Connection

1. In the early 1990’s relationship counselor John Gray wrote a well known book called Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The idea behind the book was that men and women are from distant planets—Mars and Venus—and that each sex is acclimated to its own planet’s society and customs, but not to those of the other.
2. The premise of the book was that we need to understand and appreciate the differences. And we need to cease expecting our partner to act and feel like we do. We are different for a reason.
3. Below are a couple of the differences between the sexes that we need to realize in this study.

• MEN like to work on their own. They exercise their abilities by solving problems quickly and singlehandedly. WOMEN like to cooperate [with others]. They exercise their feelings through interactive communication with one another.
• When faced with tough problems, MEN go to their caves. They can become non-communicative so they can work out how best to [solve their problems]. WOMEN become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them.
• When MEN do communicate, they like to get to the point. They generally only want to listen if they feel the conversation has a point. WOMEN enjoy talking for its own sake. They are happy to listen unconditionally.
• MEN talk in very literal terms for the purpose of relaying information. WOMEN employ dramatic vocabulary to fully express and relate their feelings.
• MEN like to sort their thoughts out before communicating them. WOMEN like to sort their thoughts out in the process of communicating them. (See wikisummaries.org.)

1. One sex (male or female) is NOT right while the other one is wrong. They are just different. But women gather and connect naturally and easily. Men are more individualistic and are generally not great communicators. We need to work at being a connector with those around us.
2. Below are a couple of statistics that we need to be aware of.

• “According to statistics, the average man over 35 years old does NOT have one close friend.” (See Why Are Men Leaving the Church?, online article by Steve Sonderman.)
• About 95% of men say they don’t have male friends. Less than 1/3 of men in church say they have a friend. (See Why Men Matter—Both Now and Forever, online article.)

1. The question arises, “Why is this?” One reason is that society tends to condition men to be tough and hard. But we need to redefine manhood as a combination of strength and vulnerability. Showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. You don’t have to know it all. You don’t have to be able to do it all.

BEWARE OF ISOLATION

1. One of the devil’s greatest weapons is isolation. During this time of isolation, Satan whispers lies to us. I believe his three main devices are isolation, offenses and cares. He whispers…

—“Nobody has gone through what you are going through.”

—“No one will even notice if you are gone.”

—“You don’t need them anyway. You’ll be just fine on your own.”

1. Isolation can come from many things, one of which is sin in our lives.
2. “Besides making us want to run from God, sin also makes us want to isolate ourselves from other believers. In Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote:

‘Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more disastrous is this isolation. Sin wants to remain unknown. It shuns the light’” (Partners in Prayer, pg. 53, John Maxwell).

1. The enemy loves to isolate us. He loves to get us alone. He wants us to be that strong, silent type. He wants us to have an “I don’t need anybody” mentality.
2. We need to be accountable to others. This means being close enough to someone that they can speak truth into our lives without our going on the defensive.

—The Lone Ranger had Tonto.

—Batman had Robin.

—Ernie has Bert.

—Fred Flintstone had Barney Rubble.

—We, likewise, need someone.

Example: Below is a classic story of pride and isolation in action.

“Maybe you’ve heard the story about Muhammad Ali back when he was the reigning heavyweight champion of the world. Ali had just taken his seat in the first-class section of a 747 that was getting ready to take off. The flight attendant came by and asked the champ to fasten his seat belt. Ali looked at the woman and said, ‘Superman don’t need no seat belt.’ The attendant responded, ‘Superman don’t need no plane’” (Finishing Strong, pg. 68, Steve Farrar).

1. You’re not Superman and I’m not either. If we are trying to fly by ourselves, the enemy will end up deceiving us.
2. If you are close enough to be HELPED by people, you are close enough to be HURT by people. Don’t be afraid to take that risk.

THREE TYPES OF CONFESSION FOR THE BELIEVER

(1) The believer’s confession of faith based upon the Word of God (Hebrews 3:1).

Hebrews 10:23 (MEV) “Let us firmly hold the [NKJV: ‘confession’] of our faith without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”

1. This is the positive side of confession.
2. This can be speaking the Word of God or resisting the devil and his works.

(2) The believer’s confession of sin TO THE LORD when they have broken fellowship       with Him.  

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins [TO THE LORD], He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1. This is the negative side of confession.
2. There has been a real emphasis on the message of grace in the last few years. Much of it has been needful and fruit bearing. Some of it has been off base.
3. We should be righteousness conscious, not sin conscious. However, there is a big difference between sin CONSCIOUSNESS and sin AWARENESS.
4. We should NOT always focus on our sins and shortcomings. But we do need to be aware when we have missed the mark and have broken fellowship with the Lord.
5. There is a difference between relationship and fellowship.
6. Our relationship is secure. It doesn’t change.
7. Our fellowship can fluctuate, depending on what we do.

Example: In a marital dispute, the couple doesn’t break their relationship. They are still married. They break their fellowship.

1. When we confess our sins, we are back in fellowship with the Lord once again.

(3) The believer’s confession of struggles or sin TO OTHERS to get help to overcome.

1. Notice that the phrase “each other” is found twice in the following verse.

James 5:16 (NLT) “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

6. We believe in the priesthood of every believer. (See 1 Peter 2:5 & 9; Revelation 1:5, 6.) By that, we mean that we have direct access to the Lord. We don’t have to go through a priest (a man) to receive forgiveness. But on the other hand, sometimes we need the help of others to get the freedom we desire. God often works in our lives through the help of others.
7. This cannot be forced. It comes once trust is developed and we know that those we share with have our best interest at heart and also have our back.
8. Lasting freedom from addiction, drugs, fear, bondage, worry, etc. is available to every believer.

∙           Sometimes people are delivered from something instantly. Once Paul Scanlon got saved, he never swore again. He had been a “professional curser.” His friends knew something had happened to him because his language changed so drastically.

∙           Sometimes people are delivered over time—as a process.

∙           Sometimes people are delivered without the help of anyone else. The Lord simply delivers them all by Himself.

∙           Sometimes people are set free through the assistance of others who walk them through the process. We do NOT always achieve freedom on our own.

Example: I have been healed instantly and, at other times, over time. I have received directly from the Lord and, at other times, have needed the help of mature believers to help me walk through a valley into victory.

1. No matter how it comes and through whom, the end result is that absolute freedom is available in Christ.
2. Someone well said, “If you cannot be free from sin in this life then Jesus is NOT your Savior, death is.” You don’t have to wait until you die to be free. The good news is that Jesus IS our Savior and we have victory over sin, bondage, addiction, etc. because of the cross!

Matthew 6:2 (MEV) “…when you do your charitable deeds, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be honored by men.”

Matthew 6:2, 5, 16 “hypocrites” – (NKJV margin) pretenders

1. “hypocrites” – (Wuest Nuggets, pg. 80, Volume 3) It refers to a person who played a part on the stage, to an actor, one who pretends to be what he is not.
2. Warren Wiersbe says this word originally meant “an actor who wears a mask.”

Vs. 2a “…in the synagogues…” – This is where the religious crowd is.

Vs. 2b “…and the streets…” – This is where the world is.

1. Notice that hypocrites are found both in the world and in the church.
2. The Lord wants us to take our mask off and be real and transparent.
3. Connecting is a two way street. We should NOT be an isolated or unconnected follower of Christ. Our Christian walk should be both vertical (with God) and horizontal (with one another).

Genesis 4:9 “Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Where is Abel your brother?’ He said, ‘I do not know. AM I MY BROTHER’S KEEPER?’”

1. Actually, the answer to Cain’s question to the Lord was “yes, you are.” We are to be our brother’s keeper. God doesn’t ask questions because He doesn’t know the answer. He was giving Cain the opportunity to tell the truth.
2. If someone you know is isolated:

(1) Pray for them.

1. Take authority over self pity, depression, isolation, etc. that would keep people in a cave of hopelessness. Pray for them to rise above isolation and to get active in the things of God.

(2) Reach out to them in love.

1. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
2. As we grow up spiritually, we no longer come to church just to get something for ourselves. We come to help others connect with the Lord and with His people.

Example: Call them. Send them a text. Get together with them over coffee or a meal.

Example: I fought against isolation and won when I was by myself at an FCF Leadership Meeting in Tulsa and was asked to move to another seat. I chose to reach out to others (two Rhema students from our church) and not to take offense or feel hurt.

THE LONELY EMBER

Example: John MacArthur told a powerful story that illustrates the danger of isolation. He said…

A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.

Guessing the reason for his pastor’s visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a big chair near the fireplace and waited. The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs.

After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet fascination.

As the one lone ember’s flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and “dead as a doornail.” Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting.

Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said, “Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday.”

1. Let’s GET connected and let’s STAY connected. We are much getter together than we are apart. Remember that iron sharpens iron. MFM