Intimacy– fairly large word as the English language goes, 4 syllables


It is a word most women long for…many men shudder


It is a word God desires for us and the word the enemy fears for us


It is a combination of…Trust, Love, vulnerability, strength


Hopefully in a few minutes we will all be at peace with this word and moving toward true intimacy


Believe it or not, it is something everyone desires


Failures in intimacy case things like



Unfulfilled expectations

Feelings of worthlessness

Broken relationships

Broken marriages

Job loss



Sex is not real intimacy – sex is simple biology or lust drives a person alone it leaves people empty with no connection, intimacy builds a relationship to lovemaking and wholeness, completeness and connection


Intimacy is not people sitting in a room on their devices or watching TV….that may be relaxing but it is not intimacy


Intimacy is not casual


Intimacy is not accidental


Intimacy is not closed


So we have some of what intimacy is not so what is it?


Intimacy is a deep connection with a friend, child, parent, spouse, God, that says…I know you, you know me, you accept me for who I am and love me enough to push me to be better. I can share with you my fears, loves, worries, joys, I can be totally vulnerable to you and you will still love me, believe in me, and value me, and not judge me…it is like trust but more than trust


Jesus talks about the intimacy that He and the Father want with us


John 17:21


“I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”


In this one verse Jesus’ high priestly prayer is for the power of God to flow through His people in the way it did through Jesus as he walked the earth


“I pray that they will be one, just as you and I are one”


There was nothing between Jesus and His Father but love and He is praying here that there would be nothing between each one of us but love.


Remember a few weeks ago I talked about how “love” is one of the evidences of the Holy Spirit


It is the Father’s heart that we walk in intimacy with one another that there would be an openness and a vulnerability that is rewarded with trust, love and being fully accepted.


Gossip, backbiting, tearing one another down, un-Christ-like competition, jealousy, envy, slander, fear these and many more things are the things that cause walls that hinder intimacy. Intimacy builds bridges and tears down walls


Matthew 18:19,20


I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. 20 For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”


There is power in unity of the church family….many times the reason we don’t see the Holy Spirit move is because the power of agreement moves mountains but notice it only takes a few but then if you are not in unity you might miss it….it is sad to say but I have seen this often, a miracle report will be shared about a healing, salvation, a relationship restoration, financial miracle, a new job and after the service or a few days later I will ask people and they will have no recollection or will belittle the miracles of God….I am not a hype person, I am a person of intimacy…Jesus stressed this with in Luke 10:38-42


As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”


Let’s look at my definition again of intimacy


Intimacy is a deep connection with a friend, child, parent, spouse, God, that says…I know you, you know me, you accept me for who I am and love me enough to push me to be better. I can share with you my fears, loves, worries, joys, I can be totally vulnerable to you and you will still love me, believe in me, and value me, and not judge me…it is like trust but more than trust


Do you see the difference between Mary and Martha with this definition?


The vulnerability, acceptance, honesty, and openness that were happening here between Mary and Jesus…our minds can make this sexual but it was not,


it was a pure honest love of two people valuing and seeing each other for who they are


Martha saw Jesus for what he could do for her or she could do for him to gain his favor but Mary had already gained his favor by her openness to love with a pure heart to want to hear Jesus’ heart and Jesus defended her because he saw and knew her heart together their purpose was nothing more than to honor the Father where as Martha’s was to honor everyone at the feast, her culture, and ultimately herself for being a good hostess….it was not manically evil it just was not intimacy with the Father that Jesus loved and loved to bring others into


In our service to the Lord, in whatever that is, in our service to each other if our desire is to promote intimacy with the Lord, real friendships grow, not based on what you can do for me or what I can do for you, but instead on our mutual love of God


Then out of that love, we do the work, the ministry, build the friendships that are bonds for life


Out of that love that is where freedom comes the Holy Spirit is honored and given place because He only desires intimacy with the Father and helping us gain intimacy with the Father.


As men we want respect…it is part of our nature to have and gain respect but we limit our ability to receive and gain respect by our lack of intimacy and vulnerability to the Lord


Ephesians 4:30-32


And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath (rage), anger, clamor (harsh words), and evil speaking (slander) be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (NKJV)


The Message


Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. 32 Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.


Men, all the respect you want and need to feel like a man can’t come from any personor that person has power over you, yes you can gain their respect by living this way and we must have a good reputation among those in and outside of the church. But if you are grieving the Holy Spirit through your

– anger,

– cutting remarks and jokes,

– jealousy,

– envy,


If you are:

– cruel to one another

– putting one another down rather than building each other up,

– if you are holding unforgiveness


You will never flow in the wisdom, knowledge, power, fearlessness, love, soundness of mind that you can in order to shine….only real men of God can totally be at peace, feel empowered and always at peace, always overcome and feel the respect that comes only from being true to the heart of God


As the world sees that we are “in the Father, and the Father in us” we have the power to conquer and change a broken world around us. Giving out hope, life, love, joy, and freedom and believe me you will gain all the respect you need!


Ladies, you want real relationship that connection of love that doesn’t let go. The only way we can have that kind of love, the love that fulfills and overflows, the kind that allows you to feel completely safe and secure? The Lord wants that for you too but just like the men acquiring respect, real love begins with the Lord…The 1stCorinthians 13 kind of true love only comes from the Holy Spirit’s being alive in us


If we grieve Him…


The Message


Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. 32 Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.


Ladies you desire real, honest, unconditional love in all of your relationships, start by allowing the Holy Spirit to be welcomed in all of your relationships…


– walk in forgiveness,

– walk away from gossip,

– from tearing others down

– judging them,

– always giving love and being gentle,


Then the love, power, soundness of mind, deep friendships, love will be yours because the Holy Spirit will be flowing through you


Ladies and Gentlemen both of these examples also apply to your relationships not only with spouses, friends, co-workers, and God but they can be applied to how you raise your children, allowing them to see that you are consistent inside of your home as you are outside the home, that you walk always in forgiveness, that you aren’t slandering other, being critical always, being judgment and harsh…walk always in love, and forgiveness and your children will be different too


A call to intimacy

A call to intimacy


Our culture is flooded with sex after all “sex sales.” Since the sexual revolution of the late 60’s our culture has been consuming sex like food.


While love-making is beautiful and a gift from God… when the emphasis is on sex rather than intimacy, relationships don’t last, heartache overwhelms and brokenness is the result


Don’t worry today I’ve already made some of you uncomfortable with mentioning the word intimacy and then add to that I mention sex and you are really starting to squirm in your seats…I am not focusing this teaching on sex but we do need to talk about intimacy


It is one of the greatest missing elements in our culture today…I mentioned sex because our culture assumes sex means intimacy and it does not… that is why many relationships fall apart because they make that assumption….Although the best marriages, because of intimacy general have the best sexual relationships….OK I’ll stop making you squirm for now.


The dictionary defines intimacy this way


“a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.” …the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar:


It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other.


Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. The verb “intimate” means “to state or make known”. 


One Christian author defines it this way Intimacy means “in-to-me-see”


We all crave it, that longing to connect to have someone in your life that knows you, sees you, understands you, and loves you, for who you are….once again many get off track thinking sex will do that it doesn’t


Jesus desires intimacy for us with the Father, the Holy Spirit and himself


John 17: 20:21

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.


Jesus is praying for you and for me that we may be “one” with the Father and by implication that we may be one with each other…so that the world might see Jesus


Oneness is intimacy


It is In-to-me-see but requires dialog, transparency (honesty, truth), vulnerability (no fear, shame, guilt), reciprocity (it must be a shared experience to be real intimacy)


Can you imagine every relationship in this church like that? Jesus could and prays for it why so the world might be able to see Him through us


If you have hung around me at all you have heard me say Our priorities must be:


God first

spouse second

children third

what we do for God fourth and then everything else


God first not for the doing but for the “being” just being with Him, developing that relationship with Him where you know Him and you know He knows you (He does, even if you don’t know it)—Intimacy


Let’s talk about in-to-me-see


Before we can have any intimacy with each other to the extent God wants we must understand it with Him first




Luke 10: 38-42

 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted by much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” 41 And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”


Jesus had a deeper friendship with Mary he indeed loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus equally but His emotional response way more compounded toward Mary There was a deeper friendship because of Mary’s heart toward Jesus


When Martha and Mary greeted Jesus after Lazarus’ death Martha full of faith knew Jesus could do anything and told him so but when Mary greeted Jesus the emotional response was much greater there was a greater intimacy between Jesus and Mary… John 11:33


When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.


“deeply moved” is a very intense emotional term it has attached to it a physical reaction to Mary’s pain


Their communication deeper, more honest, more open created a deeper bond with the Lord it created a deeper intimacy with Mary we also see that reflected when she washes Jesus feet (John 12, Mark 14, Matthew 26)


For the Lord….


We must spend time in prayer and the word to grow in an intimate dialog with the Lord


For the Lord and our church family…


We must learn to spend time with each other, building those relationships…if you know Jesus we are all His children…God speaks through His people and when we communicate with each other at a deeper level it is much harder to misinterpret something or have a misunderstanding…it is in a lack of communication that relationships break down and intimacy does not happen


Transparency –

Being honest and truthful is a very scary thing


Colossians 3:9

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.


Lying is not just an act of speech but it is also can be action (acting like a Christian around Christians but like a non-Christian around others)


Intimacy absolutely depends upon trust…trust that a persons word is true….trust that a person is who they say they are…intimacy is limited by the trust that we walk in with God


I can never understand why someone is not truthful with the Lord do we think He doesn’t know our every thought


Do we think He doesn’t know and even understand the way that we feel


Sometimes we are not honest or truthful with God because we don’t realize it but if we love Him He will get through to us.


It is also important because God is Truth…Jesus said He is the way, truth, and the life and the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of truth


John 16:13

When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.


When we walk in truth and honesty we are walking truly one with the Lord.


The world is not honest, it is deceptive, it lies constantly watch any of the ads, there are so many agendas out there how do you tell the truth from a lie?


Our intimacy with each other and the Lord is dependent on being truthful and honest and allow me to add in love because everything we do must be done in love


It does not mean we will always agree with one another but the world will respect us better if they know we are transparent, open and honest with each other…it is very foolish to not be open and honest with God. No one can, In-to-me-see, if we are not transparent with each other and realize God sees anyhow




As I mentioned earlier it is scary to be honest and truthful it naturally makes you vulnerable….we like wearing mask that hide who we are…we like to think that people think differently about us than we really are


We became fearful of:

What if they don’t like me?

What if they judge me?

What if I don’t fit in?


God doesn’t make junk


Psalm 139:14,15

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.


When we are approaching God we need to remember He made us, formed us, designed us for a unique and precious purpose that only we can fulfill.


He knows our every weakness and strength and accepts us that way. He knows our pain and our struggles and wants to help us through them if we will but ask, be honest that is being vulnerable.


He likes you and loves you


He will never judge you if you are coming to Him openly and honestly

Of Course, you fit in…he made you the way you are but if you are willing to be vulnerable…He will take you from where you are to be shaped and molded into His image


2 Corinthians 3:17,18

Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.


We must be vulnerable to the Lord and allow Him to eliminate all fear, guilt, shame, and blame and we must be willing to allow others into our lives too in order to allow that honesty I spoke of earlier and the vulnerability to shed our masks and perfectionism and grow closer too many times we hide from one another or the Lord when they can really be a blessing to us and help bring healing and strength.


The last word reciprocity


It means exchanging things for mutual benefit in other words develop levels of intimacy with God and He will be intimate with you…develop relationships based on intimacy and you will gain the love, trust, honesty, free of judgment relationships you long for


Why do we do this? What did Jesus say again?


that the world may believe that You sent Me.


If we can begin a journey of greater intimacy with God and reflect than in a great intimacy with our brothers and sisters in Christ then the world will see Jesus in a people who love each other, are open and honest with each other in a loving way, are free of guilt, condemnation and judgment with no hidden agenda just love


If you really want His favor one of the fastest ways to see it fall on your is to grow in your intimacy with the Father and reflect that love and acceptance in the way you treat your brothers and sisters in Christ.